Sometimes it's hard to fit a man into a definitive category. At other times, it's obvious where someone falls on the Man scale.
Blokes are a category of Men that I felt needed to be distinct from Dudes or Guys. Again, because my blog is directed at an American audience, I feel the need to explain something. I know that "bloke" is British slang and means roughly the same as "guy" or "dude." However, in the context of my blog, I'm using it to denote a specific type of male, just as I've used "dude" and "guy." I'm in no way suggesting that these definitions are somehow a part of the meaning of the word, I'm simply using terms that we all know as a way to associate characteristics with titles that I find appropriate.
If that sounded like an apology, it's only because of how I'm about to describe Blokes and I don't want anyone to be confused and assume that "bloke" means something negative in common usage. Just understand that my definition of a Bloke is specific to the purposes of this blog.
Blokes are a step down the ladder from Dudes and Guys. Everyone has a Bloke in their circle of friends. He's the one who never made much of themselves, career-wise, but he can hold his liquor and tells great stories. He may be met with consistent failure when attempting to hook up with girls but, either through frequent consumption of liquid courage, or staggering levels of self-delusion, he is undaunted in that pursuit. Their foiled success could be the result of poorer-than-standard hygiene, or a style of dress that would make Dudes look co-ordinated. Blokes have no fashion sense. They can barely dress themselves. They frequently pair sandals with sweatpants or baggy cargo pants with football shirts. Nothing fits them correctly. Blokes are a walking, talking, mess of clothes and shaggy hair.
Blokes often sport the neck beard or the "6 days since my last shave" look. They sometimes opt to grow out their facial hair but it is a wildly unkempt display of patchy underbrush. Blokes with poor vision always wear glasses. Contacts require too much effort to maintain and Blokes are all about the path of least... strike that... no resistance.
A Bloke can't tell good food from bad. However, they believe that quantity always means "better." Blokes can only maintain a social life by ingratiating themselves with a group of Guys and Dudes who keep them around for a laugh. A Bloke may often volunteer as the designated driver for trips to the pub, thereby solidifying his membership in a group of friends.
Blokes are often computer geeks. They like video games. They LARP. They aren't distinctly anti-social, but they often find it difficult to adhere to societal standards for behavior. They often see themselves as rebels or underground heroes. Blokes love movies, and movie trivia, and they feel that this is their best conversation starter. In fact, they will find ways to bring movies in any discussion they have, whether that means "reviewing" their latest film experiences or using obscure movie quotations to impress the room with their extensive knowledge of cult hits like Boondock Saints.
Blokes aren't Men. They lack the basic skills to behave like Men even though they are able to interact with them. To be fair though, Men are usually too well-mannered to expel Blokes from their circle of friends. Blokes are mostly harmless and often useful when attempting to select a movie to see. Know the Bloke's tastes in film and use that to judge their opinions.
We should, at this point, talk about Gentlemen. They are incredibly close to being Men, but they still miss the mark on a few important points. First, they lack the ability to define themselves. Everything they do has been taught to them, either by their mothers or by a book on etiquette written in the last century. This is a weakness as it only prepares them to deal with others who have read the same books! In reality, the world has changed and society is evolving. A modern Man must be capable of adjusting his behaviors to adapt to his social environment. This means understanding who he is, why he acts the way he does, and how that affects how others perceive him.
Second, a Gentleman only acts out of obligation to a set of rules that have been given to them. A Gentleman's mannerisms aren't prompted by an interest in self-enrichment, they are simply what has become expected of him. This places the Gentleman in a difficult position where he fears change or growth and is unable to adapt to situations. What happens if a woman opens a door for him? The Gentleman is stunned and falters for a solution. He may gape or shift awkwardly before mumbling an apology for a slight he hasn't committed in anyone's eyes but his own. If others are around he may step to the side and let another person pass through the door in his stead. He may decline the woman's polite gesture and insist that she go through the door first. Worse yet, he may step to the side and take the handle of the door from her without any explanation. This doesn't sound very gentlemanly, but classic training in etiquette makes a lot of assumptions about behavior and gender roles that fail you when trust into an unscripted situation.
To their credit, Gentlemen are usually well dressed. They have been taught to take pride in their appearance. While their sense of style may be dated or incomplete, it is more than enough to afford them a presentable wardrobe, equipped for most events where smart attire is required.
Gentlemen are well-read. They are familiar with most of the great classics and are suitably skilled in the areas of geography, history, and some of the sciences. They are educated enough to hold a conversation on subjects that they may not be expert in. This is beneficial since their training in etiquette has taught them to show interest in the careers and hobbies of others when engaging in polite conversation. Asking informed questions is key in that regard.
These guidelines are actually valuable, and I agree than every Man should adhere to the rules of etiquette in most situations. However, etiquette is inflexible and the strength of a Man is adaptability. Understand the classic rules of behavior but blend them into a modern existence. It's a simple statement, but challenging to execute. Gentleman may have a solid head start, but any male can get there with enough determination and a little help.
Boys are a different kind of male from anything else that we've looked at so far. They have the tendency to develop into Gentlemen or Bros, which may seem like opposing ends of the spectrum, but are actually closer than you may think.
Boys are males who were sheltered by their mothers in childhood. Their early development was closely monitored and guided with an attentive, feminine hand. Boys have existed with a close dependency on instruction and approval from their mothers. This leads to an adult life that is rather devoid of the skills to make decisions for themselves. This manifests in one of two ways: a continued relationship of dependency with their mother or another strong, female figure, or a compulsion to seek the approval of others through showiness.
Boys can become Gentlemen if they are trained in the ways of etiquette. Most of the time, they remain as Boys. Males in their 30s who spend time with their mother's regularly, never disagree with them (to their faces) and still wear the same brands or styles that their mothers dressed them in, are Boys. Boys can also go the other way, seeking style advice from flamboyant, self-obsessed males, who lead them down the path to becoming a Bro. Both are equally sad.
Boys tend to remain as bachelors well into their 40s. They often select a mate pending the approval of their mothers. Usually, a Boy's spouse will replace their mother, providing the same force of will and tender care that he's grown to rely on. Boys are incredibly stunted in their development into Men, and getting them the rest of the way is a challenge akin to climbing Everest. However, we will do what we can to provide a path to that summit.
These are the major archetypes of men, as I see them. I may refine these definitions as I continue to build this blog, but I believe this covers the basics.
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